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In last week's episode, I unpacked the difference between rules and boundaries. I wanted to share that brief episode just to set you with the foundation when it comes to setting boundaries so that you know what other people are responsible for, which is their actions, and so that you can also know what you are responsible for, which is your own actions.

In today’s episode, I share the most important tool you need to help you learn how to be more assertive with your boundaries: self-regulation.

Self-regulation is the ability to handle difficult emotions as a way to calm your nervous system. If you are prone to being a people-pleaser, this episode is for you. In chapter one of my book, Owning Our Struggles, I share a method I created called The B.E.S.T Method to help you get better with your boundaries, and I am sharing that method in today’s episode as well.

B: Boundary

The “B’ in The B.E.S.T Method stands for boundary. Create a list and write down five important boundaries you want to set with someone in your life.

E: Emotions

The “E” in The B.E.S.T Method stands for emotions. With every action we take, an emotion is involved. In order to self-regulate you have to be honest and in tuen with how you feel. Now that you have written down the five boundaries you want to set, I want to you name the feelings that arise for oyu when you think of setting this boundary. Is it fear? Guilt? Anxiety? Whatever it is, name it.

S: Self-soothing

The “S” in The B.E.S.T Method is the most essential practice because this where the self-regulation comes in. Now that you are aware of the boundary you want to set and the emotions that arise for you, it’s time to practice self-soothing so that you can teach yourself that you have the courage to do hard things.

Ways to Practice Self-Soothing:

• Journaling

• Movement and Exercise

• Meditation & deep breathing

• Art therapy/drawing

• Engaging the five senses (5-4-3-2-1 Method)

T: Thoughts

The “T” in the B.E.S.T Method stands for thoughts. Cognitive distortions are thinking errors we engage in for the sake of survival and self-protection. The problem with these thinking errors is that they can be detrimental to our growth and well. Always assess your thoughts and be willing to challenge your irrational thinking.

Boundaries can feel hard to erect at first, but with practice, you will develop the skills to recognize that you have the power to do hard things!