It's not easy to hear the truth. It can be challenging. I know this from personal experience, having spent years in a chronic state of denial simply because facing the reality of a situation was too painful. While this approach may bring temporary relief, the consequence of it is delayed healing and prolonged pain.

By acknowledging and accepting the reality of a situation, we open ourselves up to the possibility of growth and positive change. First, however, we must remember that we are not powerless people, and we must learn to own our choices to give ourselves the life we think we deserve. 

Below are five truths I encourage you to reflect on:

Truth #1: You Play A Role in Why Your Relationships Are Not Satisfying

As an adult, you have control over who you form relationships with and how close you want to be with someone, including family members. You are not powerless in defining who has complete access to you and who doesn’t. When you feel unhappy in your relationships, you must remind yourself that you have choices. Sometimes we sit around waiting for other people to change, forgetting that we have agency over our lives and can decide how to show up in our relationships. You can choose to stay, leave or advocate for yourself in the relationship to make it more fulfilling. 

If you are in an unsatisfying relationship, it’s important to ask yourself:

• Have I erected boundaries with this person to make this relationship more tolerable?

• Have I expressed my emotional needs, or am I assuming the other person will figure out what my needs are?

• Does this person deserve to have a relationship with me? If not, why am I staying? What am I not ready to let go of?

• Am I ready to accept that this person does not want to change and is at peace being precisely who they are?

Truth #2: You Might Be The Reason Why People Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

The number one rule you need to learn about boundaries is that a boundary must be communicated for it to exist. A boundary cannot lay dormant in your mind. If you choose to create rules regarding how people interact with you, you must express those rules so people can move accordingly. 

Sometimes people don’t respect your boundaries because:

• You never communicated what the boundary was

• You instantly break your boundary the moment it feels like someone is giving you push-back

Sometimes, you must repeat your boundaries and remind people what it means to be in a relationship with you. You, of course, are not to blame for someone else’s disrespect or lack of care for your needs, but you have to reflect and ask yourself if you are truly advocating for yourself to be seen and heard in your relationships.

Truth #3: You Care About What People Think, And That’s Okay

A lot of people feel shame for caring about the opinions of others, but the truth is, it’s okay to care about what people think as long as the person sharing their opinion is someone you have an intimate relationship with; you find value in their thoughts and ideas and the connection is sacred and meaningful to you.

Everyone will have an opinion, but there are cases where the views of some folks don’t matter. For example, it might not be important to care about what strangers on the internet think about you. Still, as a parent, it’s important to know what your children think about you, the same way it’s essential to know what our partners or friends think of us when the relationship is meaningful. 

Here are some things worth remembering about opinions:

• Opinions are not created equally; when a person has an opinion about you, it is rooted in bias and stems from their values and beliefs, so take things with a grain of salt.

• Opinions are not facts; just because a person thinks something about you doesn’t always mean it’s true, and it also doesn’t mean everyone you know thinks the same thing. Again, all opinions are subjective; they are never universal.

• You can always disagree with someone’s opinion; you never have to treat them as truth or act on them.

Truth #4: You Feel Stuck in Life Because You Keep Letting Fear Control You

Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion where a person allows their feelings to dictate or control their behavior instead of using logic and being rational. For example, when I started driving, I was terrified the first time I got behind the wheel. Fear instantly overcame me, and I remember telling myself I couldn’t do this. I was afraid, but deep down, I knew how essential it would be to have a license and learn how to drive a car so that I could commute to school, making life easier for me. If I had let fear hold me hostage, I would’ve felt stuck, unhappy, and resentful of myself for being unable to do the hard thing.

Fear gets in the way of us doing hard things, and sometimes, we need to do hard things to get unstuck. Growing in life involves risks; if we refuse to take them, we will never see what we can achieve. 

Here are a few reflection questions to help you push past fear to get unstuck:

• What am I afraid of trying? What’s one small step that I can take daily to help me achieve my goal?

• How has fear held me hostage from doing hard things that need to get done?

• What is the worst and best-case scenario if I go after the thing I’m afraid of?

When we are honest with ourselves, we prioritize self-reflection and introspection; this is how you grow.

Mindful Moments this week

A mindful read: Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey (The Nap Ministry)

A mindful watch: Inside Man

A mindful listen: Let it Be Easy by Susie Moore: Healing Goals in 2023 With Minaa B.