Cultivating Moments of Solitude And Dating Yourself

Back in my early twenty’s, I used to be more intentional with dating myself and honoring moments spent alone. I’ve traveled alone, taken myself to dinner, explored new places and did simple things while I enjoyed my own company.

Over time, being intentional with dating myself started to fade away.

I became so busy with work and other things in my life that I started to feel burdened by productivity and allowed busyness to distract me from myself. What also began to happen for me is that as I pursued dating as a single woman and was let down by potential partners, the more I lost that spark that was associated with nourishing and caring for myself by being intentional with my “me” time because I was wrestling with so much grief.

Slowly, those movie and dinner dates with myself took a backseat.

It wasn’t until earlier this year that I had to come face-to-face with my own self-neglect the ways I operate as the strong friend in all of my relationships, and the weight of what it takes to be a business owner and wear all of the hats such as writer, speaker, consultant, etc. that I operate in daily. The more I made deposits into people, tasks, and duties, the more I felt depleted and on an energetic decline.

I have spent a lot of time learning through my own personal experiences that being in an emotional deficit will have your soul aching and yearning for connection, belonging, and, most importantly, nourishment.

It has taken feelings of frustration, sadness, and extreme burnout for me to recognize the ways self-neglect has taken shape in my life, and by abandoning the routines that awakened my soul, I was left feeling disconnected from myself.

So I did a thing.

I made time for myself. I said no to the things that would result in self-neglect. I stopped waiting for life to happen to me and took action regarding the things I could control.

I took myself on a lunch date.

It was such a simple thing, yet a profound experience. I’ve been working from home since 2020, and I must admit this work-from-home life is not for me y’all. And I’ve learned that if you are not intentional, you will get sucked into the world of isolation and never leave your couch.

I had to ask myself, if I have this freedom to be flexible, why am I not exercising it? What am I waiting on? What’s stopping me from taking the initiative?

I had to enter into a state of reflection to recognize the ways I had abandoned the things that were once important to me, and it was up to me to reclaim those things that once nourished my heart. I am always in a position of giving, pouring out, helping, and serving, and it took some time to realize that all the effort I give to others, I am allowed to give that effort to myself.

I deserve to be nourished. I deserve to be cared for. I deserve effort and reciprocity. And I also have the power and agency to give myself the life I think I deserve.

I encourage you to think about the ways you, too, have been running on a treadmill of self-neglect and waiting for the magical moment that you will feel nourished rather than taking charge and doing something different.

You are allowed to take care of yourself.

You are allowed to say no to people and things that encourage self-abandonment.

You are allowed to spend your time however you please.

You are allowed to date yourself intentionally.

Now is the time to start developing mindful moments with yourself.